(Snoring)
CHEF PEE PEE!
(Grunts)
What, Bowser!?
Alright Chef Pee Pee,
I want you to make me a cheeseburger!
W- What!?
Why is the kitchen such a MESS!?
Look, there's a sock in the freaking pot!
And peas and trash everywhere!?
Oh no Chef Pee Pee...
OH NO!
You know what I want you to clean this WHOLE KITCHEN! NO WAIT! THE ENTIRE HOUSE!
CPP: Well Bowser do you want me to clean up or do you want me to make your stupid cheeseburger?
(Bowser growls like a dog.)
I want you to do BOTH!
At the same time! And if you don't, I'm gonna make you eat my toenails, yeah look at them.
They're gross and ugly and super long! I never cut them in years! And look! There's fungus growing out of them!
And you like to eat em' don't you, you lil' toenail eating freak!
Why would you do that? That's so GROSS!
A- An' look you don't even have toenails!
You don't even have FEET!
Cause you're a PUPPET!
Yeah... You're my puppet!
SO DO AS I SAY!
PUPPET!
(Is this 4th wall breaking or?)
(In the distance): Yeah... Yeah I like that one hehe..
(CPP Growls.)
I HATE BOWSER!
(Mocking voice) "Make me a cheeseburger!"
"Clean the house!"
I'm only one person! I can't do it ALL!
(Pee Pee Growl.)
Hmm.
I mean I shouuuld get to cleaning!
Whoops!
O- did I do that?
Silly me! I- I didn't mean to!
Huh, well I gotta get it out.
(Satantic Snicker)
(R.I.P. Krabby Patty 2018-2018)
Whoops, 5 second rule!
(Pure Joy Laugh)
Hahahaha! That'll do it!
Wai-Wai-Wait.. It seems like it's missing something...
(Gets ready to spit.)
(Actually spits.)
(You're disgusting.)
Yeeaaaaahh..
Yeeaah..
That's whats good now.
Haha!
There!
Bowser's cheeseburger! (Sighs) Now I gotta get back to cleaning.
Wait... where's my sponge?
(WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA!?)
I mean...
It's soft like a sponge.
(Laughter)
Oh-ho-ho yeah, there we go!
Let's get the scrubbing, gotta scrub everything.
Oohooho, don't forget over here.
Oh, Uh- Uh- The counter needs some cleaning too!
(Am I going to subtitle every laugh?)
Wait wait! Look at all these dishes!
Hoho! Gotta clean them!
Oh yeah, mmm, oh- don't miss the pots!
(Yet another laugh.)
Woah! That toilet needs cleaning! (Don't do it.)
Well.. It's time to get to scrubbing!
(Another laugh....)
Oh yeah make sure you get every spot, every crevice, ooh don't miss anything, Bowser's gonna get mad!
(I can't keep subtitling these laughs.)
Mmmmmm!
Look at this scrumptious cheeseburger. Oh my god looks so delicious!
And look!
The kitchen's clean! Well... kinda. Oh- oh let me hurry and get this to Bowser, huh, hope it tastes delicious!
(More laughing from CPP.)
(Stupid Bowser laugh.)
And I was like.. "Do as I say puppet!"
(More stupid laughing.)
"Do as I say! Puppet!"
(Stupid laugh combo.)
(Little laugh.)
(Sighs)
(Sniff)
CPP: Oh Bowser! Here's your cheeseburger.
Bowser: My cheeseburger? Wait why is it green?
CPP: Um..
Uh.. It's.. it's a veggie burger.
Bowser: A veggie burger!?
(Sniff) What are you trying to say?
I need to lose weight!?
Am I FAT to you!?
(Another sniff) I'm a fatty fat, fat fat!
I'm a porker!
OINK!
(Hyperventilating) Am I Ms. Piggy to you!?
Well if anybody's fat, it's you!
You fatty!
You know what, I should call you Chef Fat Fat! 'Cause of how fat you are!
CPP: (Sigh) Whatever works Bowser.
Bowser: And i'm not fat!
I'm thick!
T H I C C
Thicc a-f...
CPP: (Sigh) Hey Junior what're you doing?
Junior: Oh hey Chef Pee Pee! I'm watching TV!
I'm watching "How to survive a zombie attack!"
Tyrone: Hi! My name is Tyrone! And I'ma show you what to do, if you gotta zombie tryin' to kill you!
Step 1: Pull out your bat!
Step 2: Get that home run!
(Tyrone grunts.)
Hoohooho!
That's what i'm talkin' about! Hahaha!
Junior: Woah! Chef Pee Pee that zombie just got rekt!
CPP: Wow.. I guess he did.
Junior: Uhh.. Chef Pee Pee uh.. Are zombies real?
CPP: (Scoffs) No, Junior. Zombies aren't real!
Look, when you die, you die! There's no coming back.
Junior: Well... Chef Pee Pee if zombies aren't real.. Then how can we even talk about them?
(OH GOD ILLUMINATI)
CPP: Junior I gotta go you just blew my mind!
Junior: W-W- Because if they're not real..
Then.. That means.. That.. you can't even talk about em' because.. if they're not real that means they don't exist.
If they don't exist we don't even know what a zombie is.
(Totally not sexual moaning from Bowser.)
Bowser: I don't feel good...
Junior: W-What's that noise?
(More moaning.)
Bowser: I don't feel good...
Junior: What's that nois- (Gasp)
Bowser: (Moaning) Junior...
(War Cry.)
Junior: ZOMBIE!!
Bowser: (Confused noise.)
(Junior panting while Bowser moans.)
Junior: This'll stop you! Ah!
Bowser: Stop it Junior!
(Fear.)
Junior: (Panting) What do I use!? What do I use!?
Wh-
"Step 1: Grab your bat!"
"Step 2: Hit a home run!"
Bowser: Junior what're you doing?
(OOF)
(OOF x2)
(OOF +3 COMBO!)
(OOF x5)
(OOF x6 [COMBO BREAKER!])
Junior: Rrrr.. Die zombie!
(Panting) I gotta tell Chef Pee Pee!
(Last laugh I'm subtitling.)
CPP: Okay Pee Pee, you had your fun, now It's time to get to the real cleaning.
Junior: CHEF PEE PEE! (x2)
CPP: What Junior?
Junior: What's for dinner!?
CPP: Umm, we got sock stew over here...
Junior: Sock stew? We had that last night!
CPP: Oh, you be grateful! There's kids starving in this world, and they would love to have sock stew!
Junior: Hoooh..
Well.. Also, my dad's a zombie and I hit 'im with a bat!
CPP: Wait what!? Yo- You hit him with a bat!?
Junior: Yeah he's a zombie Chef Pee Pee!
CPP: Oh my GOD!
Junior: See Chef Pee Pee he's a zombie, he's green just like a zombie!
CPP: No Junior, he's not a zombie he has food poisoning!
Junior: Wh- Uh..
F-Food poisoning, what's that?
CPP: (Sigh) He wanted me to make him a burger and.. and I made it but...
I scrubbed the toilet with it, hehe..
Junior: Yo- You scrubbed the toilet with it!?
Bowser: Oh you done messed up now Pee Pee!
CPP: W- Wait Bowser uh.. I didn't know you were listening!
Bowser: Oh, you gave me a dirty burger!
Now you're gonna eat the leftovers!
Alright Chef Pee Pee...
You gotta eat every single bite, trying to give me food poisoning, and I knew it wasn't a veggie burger because I'm not fat!
I'm thick!
THIIIIIIIIIICC!
T-H-I-C-C
Now get to eatin'!
CPP: (Groaning)
Bowser: That's what you get Chef Pee Pee!
Junior: DIE ZOMBIES!
(OOF x1)
(OOF x2)
(OOF x3)
(OOF x4)
(C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!)